Wednesday, February 10, 2010
A question I get asked a whole heck of a lot...
QUESTION: Do you think it's a mandate for all Christians to adopt?
[I just got asked this question again on Facebook today. Here's my response:]
OOOOH, a question I get asked quite a bit. :) And one that people try to stump me on.
Here's what I say:
Preface: I can't say what every person should or should not do, nor will I judge a person who doesn't supposedly "get it." That's wrong...
1) Scripture says that if we see someone in need and we have something that would fill their need yet DO NOT fill it, we do not have the love of God in us. [We have a family; orphans don't; we therefore should share with the orphan what we have that they do not.]
2) Scripture says that we must do to others what we would want done to us (or our own biological kids, for that matter). If we were orphaned, we would want to be adopted. Period. Not just visited or taken care of in a group home. Adopted into a family. And we would want the same for our biological kids.
3) Jesus didn't just come to visit us or care for us in our orphaned state; He came to lay down His life to adopt us. James 1:27 uses the phrase "visit orphans." The word "visit" there is the same word used for when Jesus came to "visit" us. He didn't leave us as orphans; He adopted us. He didn't see us in our orphaned state of despair and say, "Oh, poor things...I wish someone would do something about that." No, He adopted us. Changed our futures; our destinies; our families. We are to follow Him and do as He did.
4) How can we not? How can we look at the children in the world without families and say, 'No, not worth it.'? Our lives are not our own. We are called to pick up our crosses and follow Him. Not our own plans or desires or conveniences. Ain't nothin' about this whole "following Jesus" thing that is supposed to be convenient. Ask Jesus if the Cross was "convenient" or glamorous.
So, should every Christian adopt? Well, I like to turn that question on its head...What is a good reason a Christian SHOULDN'T adopt? Most reasons are self-focused if we are really honest with ourselves.
[Obviously, many people are not "fit" to adopt right now, but that is usually due to our own messes we've made with relationships, finances, life choices, etc, and not something put in our way stopping us from adopting.]
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31 comments:
love love love it :)
excellent post
Yes! I'm probably going to memorize this post and use your answers the next time this comes up in conversation. Good stuff.
What's the song at the beginning of "Our First Adoption Homecoming"? Good thoughts and having watched some adoptions fail due to unrealistic expectations of "happy ever after," I would encourage all to read your other posts that declare the blessed realities of adoption. Congrats on your 9 and soon to be 10!
just heard a cool thing on the American World Adoption promo video that "be fruitful and multiply" and it's here on shaohannahshope..
"It is interesting to note that when God commanded us to be fruitful and multiply,
he did not use the Hebrew word for bearing children. If He did, there would only be one
true way to follow this command - biologically. But He did not use yalad, to bear young,
2
but parah, to bear fruit, and ravah, to increase in number. These verbs put the
emphasis on the product, the fruit, and the resulting increase in number. If you think
about it, bearing children really means a whole lot more than just the act of giving birth.
Bearing really communicates nurturing the fruit until it comes to maturity—in essence,
parenting."
http://members.shaohannahshope.org/site/DocServer/Luwis_Plan_A_vs_Plan_B.pdf?docID=141
Heidi,
I love the way you put this and am going to steal this, I think? Do I have permission? I especially like your thoughts as to, "Why all Christian's shouldn't adopt." Very, very good. I think I need to add your blog to my favorites:)
Blessings, Faith
Well said, Heidi. I appreciate your ability to put a shared passion and understanding in black and white! Erin, THANK YOU for the Hebrew lesson! I will have to look that up!
成功是一把梯子，雙手插在口袋裡是爬不上去的。 ..................................................
great post! great answers!
Excellent post! Mind if I repost this on my adoption ministry blog? I want my husband to read this.... :-)
Amen to that, very well explained!
Thanks for posting this. I've been struggling with something this last week and you just basically "fixed" it.
I just spoke on this at a mega church. To contradict what a pastor had said in that very sanctuary the week prior .. he told the congregation that we should go "Rebuild the orphanages in Haiti and that it wasn't necessarily a great idea for all those children to come into a culture that wasn't their own". UGH ... I wanted to throw up when someone sent me the link to that message - was he kidding? My message to his very people was that we are called to EMPTY not just to rebuild! John 14:18 ... he didn't leave us as orphans .. and he modeled it for us through Esther, Moses, Jesus and of course our own adoption! Heidi, I just stopped in to see how your beautiful children were ... you know we share some different ideas on politics ... but I definitely share your heart on adoption. Preach on sister, apparently our pastors aren't even getting this idea! The more we share ... the harder we pray that their eyes be opened and that they receive the heart of our father on this ... the more children will come HOME!
Love it. Just linked this to my blog!
I think that it is good to help orphans, but to adopt out of pity isn't in my opinion the best way. We don't bare biological children out of pity, but out of love. We ought to adopt out of love, that we may be a family made up of all sorts of people, much like God's family. I hate when people imply that I adopted because I'm a "good person," because I'm a charity, or because I have a special gift. I adopted because I wanted to be a family.
Well, most people I know didn't adopt just to have a family (because most people I know who have adopted aren't infertile or looking to have a large family), but they adopted because their eyes were opened to the orphans in this world who need families. Call it pity, call it compassion, call it empathy, call it whatever you wish. Regardless, people often adopt because they are moved by the plight of the orphan. And that is God's heart. Yes, it gives us a family beyond what we would have otherwise have, but for us (and many) that is not what motivated us to adopt.
One of the things I struggle with most right now is that we have really good friends that would love to be in the adoption process alongside of us. However, the government says they don't make enough money. It's so frustrating because they aren't reliant on the government for any assistance and just don't "need" the things many people think they need. They are heartbroken because they feel the call of God but are hitting roadblocks all along the way.
Agree so much & also want to bring up the many people (grandparents, aunts, uncles, church friends...) that are not in the position to adopt but have without question been huge in our adoption processes...providing financially, praying like crazy & loving our babies just like Jesus would...so this is just an encouragement for EVERYone to be apart of an adoption story...even if it isn't your own!
Oh wow. LOVE this post. Thanks for sharing & now I'm going to have to "borrow" it, giving you credit of course.;0) Our church's orphan ministry needs to read this.
I haven't been over here in a while, we've been busy. Andy & I received a referral for a 4 year old waiting for us in Beijing. I can't believe this is finally happening. We won't get to go to Ethiopia until next year, but it's all in His hands. (Not sure if he's told all of Lifeway yet or not, act surprised if he hasn't. lol)
How's your pregnancy going? I hope all is well.
Heidi...would you mind if I copy this onto my blog? I will credit you and link your blog. I just think the words you used were so beautiful. Much better than mine! :)
I question the way we use the idea that God adopted us as a rationalization for adoption--not in order to oppose adoption, but to perhaps be more critical of how we do it.
Looking at the example of Jesus, he came and lived with *us.* But most of us, when we adopt, uproot the kids and move them to where we are. Thus the discomfort and adjustment is disproportionately on the orphan, whereas Jesus assumed the discomfort of living in our broken, screwed-up world himself.
Following Jesus' model, wouldn't we relocate ourselves to the developing world, immerse ourselves in their culture, and understand their world rather than transporting them into ours? But that is not how the vast majority of people adopt.
I applaud adoption, I just also believe in being a little bit of a troublemaker so we make sure we're doing it well.
Hi, Shannon- Great points. I understand what you're saying. But, unfortunately, with 147 million orphans or more, it can't really be an either/or thing. Also, if you have ever adopted, then you know the self-sacrifice on the part of the parents. Jesus coming to us wasn't just about geography, if at all. It was about laying down his own comfort and easy-living for the sake of bringing us into a family. Adopting a child into your family is not easy. It requires a level of self-sacrifice that far surpasses most acts of obedience in life. I have never understood the suffering of Jesus to the degree that I have by adopting. In the end, it's not the geography that matters; it's the redemptive act of adoption that matters. We're called to redeem lives; geography is nearly irrelevant.
Are you a passivist, as opposed to being an activist? Will you not lift a finger to help another soul on this planet unless it benefits you directly? Are your prayers only to make you feel better about yourself and give you the sense that you've accomplished something when in fact you've accomplished nothing? This is not a judgement, but a serious question to search one's soul.
In the Qur'an, the advocacy for the orphan is an invocation, but also a metaphor for taking care of the most vulnerable members of a community. Because Islam comes from a part of the world that is not based on the nuclear family, but on extended family and community, this manifests itself in the way that orphanages are viewed and maintained, as well as the manner that adoption is viewed.
Disturbing, then, is the fact that the Bible (which Muslims also see as from revelation) contains the very same invocations, and reflects the very same notions of community and family; but the culture of much of Anglo-Saxon and First-World consumerist society takes these words and turns them into selfish, solipsistic advocations of hypocritical and salvationist ego trips.
What is most problematic is that the invocations concerning the orphan (in the historical sense, not in the current-day fabricated sense) are usually in combination with other similar invocations. Yet Christian advocates of this idea that God chose them to adopt only take what they want from the list, and ignore the rest.
I would suggest looking into making your passivist attitude more activist, along the lines of the Liberation Theology movements, both in Christianity and Islam. For perhaps this is the true calling, as opposed to absconding with someone else's child. It is interesting that the Christian advocates of adoption always seem to ignore local foster care--they want that brand-new baby, at whatever cost, or else a minority child with no local connection. This is inherently racist in a sick and twisted way. If you truly wish to advocate for children, then you would do all in your power to make sure that their lives are complete within the family that God provided them.
As is written:
THUS saith the LORD; Execute ye judgment and righteousness, and deliver the spoiled out of the hand of the oppressor: and do no wrong, do no violence to the stranger, the fatherless, nor the widow, neither shed innocent blood in this place. --Jeremiah 22:3
BUT NAY, nay, [O men, consider all that you do and fail to do:] You are not generous toward the orphan, and you do not urge one another to feed the needy, and you devour the inheritance [of others] with devouring greed, and you love wealth with boundless love! --Al-Fajr, 89:16-20
AND devour not one another's possessions wrongfully, and neither employ legal artifices with a view to devour sinfully and knowingly anything that by right belongs to others. --al-Baqra:187
[AS FOR your adopted children,] call them by their [ascendent] fathers' names....and if you know not who their fathers were, [call them] your brethren in faith and your friends. --Al-Ahzab, 33:4
NONE are their mothers save those who gave them birth. --Al-Mujadalah, 58:2
As an adoptee who has definitively moved back to his birth country to live, I am daily faced with what was stolen from me through my trafficking, purchase, and adoption. Given twenty years, and your "children" will likewise yearn for their identity, their family, their home, all of which you have displaced them from.
That anyone here thinks that the original Aramaic of the Bible (not Hebrew!) might advocate adoption, when in Arabic there is no translation for adoption except as a back-formation from the Western concept, only shows how far you are from understanding the results of your actions. But it is not my place to judge you; God knows what is in your hearts.
Please consider the fact that in countries where entire economies depend on adoption, baby trafficing is a huge problem. This is especially true in courtries like Ethoipia which are not yet compliant with the Hague Convention regarding adoption. http://adoption.state.gov/hague/overview.html And even if a child does become available for adoption with the consent of some/a family member that doesn't mean for a minute that it is with the consent of the mother. Please see the following Schuster Institute overview of irregularities in Ethopia adoption (scroll down a bit for the Ethiopia story) http://www.brandeis.edu/investigate/gender/adoption/ethiopia.html and please see the following stories under associated links (sidebar):
1 "The Lie We Love"
2 "Corruption in International Adoptions"
3 "Where do babies come from?"
4 "The steamier side of international adoption"
5 "The orphan manufacturing chain"
6 "The problem with saving the worlds 'orphans'.
here's the direct link to those stories
http://www.brandeis.edu/investigate/gender/adoption/ethiopia.html
Corruption exists, yes. Should we then choose to ignore the plight of the millions in order to avoid being involved in the wrong doing of a fraction?
On that same link posted in the comment above are the results of a survey taken by adoption agencies in the US. You'll see that many of them work very hard to provide aid IN COUNTRY and to FIRST try to keep biological families together if at all possible. Also stated are some of the many methods through which some agencies work diligently to prevent trafficking and corruption. Some agencies clearly work harder at it than others - and IT IS VERY IMPORTANT for adoptive parents to do their research on agencies before they sign on to work with one.
That all being said, we live in a messy, messy world and if we allow ourselves to be overwhelmed by the evil done by others and we choose to FREEZE in response, we are not furthering God's work on this earth. YES there is corruption everywhere we turn, but NO we should not shy away from providing families for children who would otherwise not know the love of a mother and father. Some children may be caught up in the evil - bought or stolen - but there are still MANY others who simply are left starving when their mother and/or father dies of AIDS and famine. So again I ask: Should we then choose to ignore the plight of the millions in order to avoid being involved in the wrong doing of a fraction?
The post here was about how we are CALLED TO ADOPT - and I'm sure she could write an entire separate post on how to navigate the waters carefully when it comes to ensuring they the people you work with throughout the adoption process are also after God's heart. There are questions to ask, measures to take - adoptive families can be proactive in fighting the corruption!!!!
...but standing on the sidelines and choosing not answer the cries of millions of orphans out of fear that you might be touched by evil is NOT, in my opinion, the proper response.
LOVE your response!!!!!!!!
Well certainly no one is advocating "freezing" or "standing on the sidelines". When people are in need we have an obligation to help them. But I can tell you that if my part of the world was hit by earthquake, or poverty or famine I would not consider people who tried to seperate me from my children to be "helpful". I would consider those who helped us as a family to be helpful and I would recognise and appreciate their Christian response to my need. Every day children who are older, HIV positive or disabled are abandoned in the developing world and some are adopted into wonderful families. But there is also money to be made through adoption (if it is of healthy infants or toddlers) so if you are adopting a child who is not older and not disabled or hiv + then red flags are waving all over the place. This is especially true if the country from which you adopt is not compliant with the Hague convention. Ethiopia isn't. This should set off even more alarm bells for anyone who cares to listen for them. According to UNICEF 90% of the worlds true abandoned children are over five years of age but 95% of those adopted internationally by American families are under five. Up until recently Guatemala was not Hague complient either and therefore a huge draw for people wanting to adopt healthy babies. See http://threedaysforthreedaughters.typepad.com or consider the story of Ana Escobar. She's a young woman whose infant daughter was kidnapped during a robbery. It took her a year to find the baby, in the arms of a social worker. A couple from Indiana were in the process of adopting her. They had paid for two seperate DNA tests to be done to be sure that the child and the woman claiming to be her natural mother were, in fact related. The prospective adopters were given fraudulent results. Fortunately Ana Escobar convinced a judge to have the tests redone independently and she and her child were reunited. Both the tests had been signed off on by Doctors. Of course now all the other tests they signed off on are in question. Now Guatemala is Hague complient and ethical adoptions of healthy infants are of course rare so people go to the remaining non complient nations, including Ethiopia. There is much that can be done to help these families, feed their children, educate their children and stay together. Please don't pretend adoption is the only alternative to "doing nothing". Again, adoption can be wonderful if the child has truly been abandoned. The best way to be sure of this is to adopt a child who is either older or struggles with a disability, or if you really are heart set on a healthy infant, to find a Hague complient country.
The elephant in the room is the fact that the standard of living of the first world and the maintenance of that lifestyle is a direct cause of the misery for the rest of the planet. To then adopt from the world wrecked directly and indirectly by the policies, wars, sanctions, invasions, assassinations, and evil of an Anglo-American world system is adding insult to injury. You are thus like pyromaniac firefighters. Your battle starts at home; start waging it there and leave us alone.
I hope you do not mind that I "steal" this, and kink back to your blog. This is exactly what I have been trying to put into words for so long. Thank you!!
~Tiffany
oops - whatever kink means! {wink} I meant LINK!
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